How Accompaniment Can Help You Grow This Lent
Lent can tempt us to focus on endurance: how long we can last, how well we can stick to what we’ve chosen. But growth in discipleship doesn’t happen through effort alone. It happens through relationship.
Accompaniment is the practice of walking with another person in honest attention to what God is doing. It is not about fixing one another or keeping score. It is about staying present to grace together. That kind of holy friendship – rooted in shared desire for Jesus – is at the heart of both discipleship and evangelization.
This year, consider finding an accompaniment partner and walking Lent together. That doesn't mean you have to give up—or do—the same exact things, although that's a possibility. It does mean naming your Lenten intentions and asking for each other’s prayers and active support. People often discover that faithfulness deepens when someone else knows their hopes, their resistance, and their desire to respond honestly to God. Knowing that someone walks with us, even if it's not exactly the same path, can be a great comfort and motivator.
Accompaniment is not spiritual comparison, and it is not shared discipline for its own sake. What is shared is attention: listening for where God is inviting conversion, naming resistance honestly, and praying for one another’s fidelity.
Prayer in Accompaniment
This reflection connects with our deeper look at prayer as encounter in Prayer During Lent: Encounter Before Effort
Prayer is the foundation of Christian life. Lent is an excellent time to attend more honestly to our prayer life – especially where it feels thin, distracted, or avoided. Have I been faithful to prayer each day? Have I used Scripture, spiritual books, and other resources to deepen my prayer? Do I try to listen as well as speak?
In accompaniment, prayer becomes less about adding practices and more about learning to notice—together—where God is already speaking and where resistance or distraction has taken root.
A few suggestions for using Lent to foster shared attention to God's action:
- Set aside a time for prayer each day. It can be the same time, or different times depending on your schedules. If your accompaniment partner is your spouse and you are parents, take turns looking after the kids so that each of you can have quiet time.
- Watch a video reflection on the day's scripture readings and exchange an insight or two.
- Spouses often have a hard time praying together. If you'd like to try to pray together but need help to get started, try...How to Pray with Your Spouse: Four Simple Steps (online article)
Fasting with Shared Awareness
For a fuller theological framing of fasting as freedom rather than deprivation, see Fasting During Lent: Clearing Space for God
Fasting can take various forms. Giving up a favorite food or drink is a tangible reminder of our commitment to draw closer to Christ. Or we can fast from a non-productive behavior or attitude.
When fasting is shared in accompaniment, it becomes easier to notice whether a practice is actually creating space for God—or merely producing frustration or fatigue.
Some ideas:
- Participate in your parish's weekly soup supper, or serve a simple supper in your home once or twice each week.
- "Fast" from negative comments, put-downs, and sarcastic remarks to and about your family members. Apologize if you slip up.
Almsgiving as a Shared Witness
This section echoes the vision explored in Almsgiving During Lent: Love That Costs Something
When almsgiving is shared in accompaniment, it also becomes a form of witness. Naming together how generosity costs us – and where it exposes fear or trust – forms us as disciples who give not out of excess, but out of love. This kind of generosity quietly evangelizes, because it makes visible a different source of security.
Many parishes offer extra opportunities for works of charity and service during Lent. Consider making a commitment that will last beyond the Lenten season. Here are some suggestions:
- Take out your household budget and review your charitable contributions. Do you need to increase them or change the allocations to the various charitable organizations?
- Do you volunteer in your parish or community? If so, discuss how you can support each other. If you're not already a volunteer, prayerfully discern whether you are called to some kind of service.
- Simplify your life. Clean out a drawer, closet, or other storage area each day during Lent and give unneeded but usable clothes and household items to charitable organizations.
Lent is not meant to be endured alone. When we allow ourselves to be accompanied – and to accompany others – we learn how conversion actually takes root: slowly, relationally, and through grace we do not control.
